In my addiction days, I would drink morning, noon, and night every day. I wasn’t taking care of my kids right. I wasn’t taking care of my home, and my husband was getting fed up with me. He thought I should just be able to control it. I also thought I should. I was just confused because I thought I was in control of the alcohol and was able to drink sociably. I had no idea that I needed admission in addiction treatment center.
Things were getting really crazy at home. Because of addiction, my husband was also turning into a very violent person. He would fly into rages with me, and the physical abuse was getting uncontrollable. He would start going into a rage over little things, and I would end up hiding my kids into the closet just to protect them from his rages. It did not matter if I was drinking daily or not. Once the physical abuse started, it just escalated. I was terrified most of the time, and the girls were becoming withdrawn.
I would call the abused woman’s hotline to try and find out if I could find a safe place to go, but then I would chicken out. I felt it was better to take the abuse and keep the family together as long as the kids were not being abused. Also, the fact that my husband would threaten me not to tell or try to leave him, I felt trapped. So, I would just drink to feel safe and then get beaten for drinking. It became a vicious cycle for me.
My husband was getting to his wit’s end also; One night, he said we were going somewhere. He took me to my first Alcohol Anonymous club. He was trying to perform his own alcohol intervention. He thought by taking me to a meeting for alcoholics, I would be cured of my drinking, and things would get back to the way they once were. But it did not work out his way. This was going to be a long road to recovery—a road he nor I had ever anticipated. But now, I finally had a label for what was wrong with me. I was an alcoholic, and I had a disease called alcoholism.
From that first night at AA, I tried so hard to adhere to their suggestions, but it did not sit well with my husband at all. He thought I would be gone every night and get a couple of meetings and be cured. Violence at home became even worse.
I quit going to meetings. At first, things were better, and then they started to backslide as my drinking started up again. I felt between a rock and a hard place. One day, my AA friends showed up to my house and found me drunk. They took me to a private alcohol treatment center. When my husband got home and found the kids at the neighbor’s house, he came storming into the treatment center and demanded they release me. I was all drugged up by this time and had no clue what was happening. Evidently, no one had the right to sign me into this very expensive alcohol treatment center, and my husband’s insurance would not pay for a private facility, so they had to release me.
Two days later, my husband admitted me to an alcohol treatment center that covered his insurance. It was a 28-day alcohol treatment program. It was a new experience for me and one I was glad to have at the time. This was the first time I felt safe and I realized I would be alcohol free.